When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
