I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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