are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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