so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
