The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
