I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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