Your dad touched me again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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