awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were trust falling into bushes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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