Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
