My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How does one acquire holy water?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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