i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
well you can't waste a boner
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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