we're blogging at a bar
why do cheetos always look like penises
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
