We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize