her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
