We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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