Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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