doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
