did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
