my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm passing your future prison.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
