I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
