Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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