Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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