what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
