did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
