You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
