i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
