Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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