Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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