Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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