I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pooping to opera.
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