She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
