Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
