O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
