Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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