used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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