they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
