you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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