can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
