There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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