How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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