I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
