I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
