oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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