I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
