they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
