based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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