I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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