I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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