You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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