I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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