Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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