Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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