Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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