I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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