i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
