I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
