well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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