her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can you bring me the toilet please
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
