if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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