i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
