Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
