she smelled like a LAN party
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
