Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
