I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
