Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
