Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
