I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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