im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
