he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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