the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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