Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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