I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
